cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
