Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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