apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize