if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
