Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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