Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
