God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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