i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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