I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize