I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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