I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
