who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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