so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
worst night to have a conscience
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
