It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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