Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
