i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
