I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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