Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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