I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
