Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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