he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
