I hate your face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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