Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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