I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
