You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
