I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
