I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
