after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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