I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
