Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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