i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize