I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
