Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
