Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
