Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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