It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
