That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
