I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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