Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
