it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
