the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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