the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
