Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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