HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
