I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it because I queefed?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
