his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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