Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
