I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
