beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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