Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
