Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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