It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
