Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have aggressive nipples.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
