drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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