I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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