**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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