I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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