I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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