"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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