i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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