Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
