i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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