Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
