How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
