her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
