and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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