dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
