I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
